confidence though Christ's standard of grace.

hi everyone! continuing the series on confidence is my friend natalie, from heart stirrings. when i started blogging, natalie was one of the first people i met and i am so thankful! i always love reading her posts...she is so incredibly wise and loves Jesus, coffee, and BOOKS! sometimes i read her posts and think we are kindred spirits :) thanks for guest posting natalie!  
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When Courtney asked me to share about my personal insecurities, I had to mull over it for a few days. Every time I tried to jot something down I kept thinking about fears. And then I began to see that insecurities really are byproducts of the fears that have taken root in our hearts. Three fears and insecurities I wrestle with came to mind quickly...

I Feel Inadequate in My Relationships. I'm talking about my relationships with family, friends, and even acquaintances here, not a dating/romantic relationship (because that's a whole can of worms of its own that I don't have time to dive into). It would make sense that I'd feel inadequate to varying degrees in different relationships when I have "fear of man issues." Fear of man issues usually play out two different ways for me: I constantly feel like there's this standard that other people have of me that I have to live up to in order to win their approval. And let's just admit it, deep relationships get messy, making it hard to be transparent, vulnerable, genuine, and honest with one another. I can't remember which author wrote it, but basically she said that as women we have this fear of being too much, all the while feeling like we're never enough, and I can totally relate to that.

I Feel Inadequate when I'm around "Religious" People. Religious people bother me. Mainly because they have little comprehension of what grace is. If we read the Bible Jesus wasn't to particularly found of hanging out with the religious folks; He preferred the company of tax collectors and prostitutes. Jesus didn't condone their sins, but He didn't sit around, condemning, or tossing them a do's and dont's list either. He radically changed their lives by showing them grace, love, and truth. As Christians we're to do the same. You see, for many people who look at me they see a facade that reads something along the lines of "Good Christian Girl," when in reality that's not my story to tell. It's true I grew up going to a Christian school, and have been surrounded by godly people for the majority of my life, but I've done some pretty wicked and sinful things in my past as well. I've got my some pretty heavy baggage, and trust me, I don't want any ol' Tom, Dick, or Harry going through it, especially if it's going to be used as "ammo" against me in the name of Jesus.

I Feel Insecure when My Livelihood is Threatened. I like, no love, feeling safe and secure. I really do. I'm not into hoarding money and I believe in giving generously, but I also like knowing that at the end of the day bills can be paid. When that's jeopardized I get stressed out. I'll be honest and say that this has particularly been a struggle for me for the past 6 months because both my parents have been out of work, I'm in college, and my sister will be as well this upcoming fall. It has been incredibly hard for me to trust God to provide during this season. I worry about how on earth I'm going to afford tuition, books, and a much-needed car. I worry about how my sister is going to pay her way through this upcoming year. I worry about my parents finding work, when it's going incredibly slow with little to no success. I feel this constant instability with my livelihood (by livelihood, I mean the necessities of life).

So the question I'm left with then is, "How do I fight against my insecurities?" Honestly, I'm not entirely sure, but I'd stake it on the weapons of truth and grace. In the moments when feelings of insecurity began to rise up, I have to "preach" to myself what Christ has shown and told me to be true or let godly friends, family, and mentors have a little pulpit time (as weird of an analogy as that may be), as fighting off fears and insecurities should include being in community. For the three specific insecurities I just listed it means...

-Yes, relationships are messy, so treasure those who stay by my side through the good, bad, ugly, and everything in between. They're a gift from God.

-Holding myself to a standard of grace. Christ's standard, not everyone else's standard.

-Religious people make bad friends in the first place. I need to quit listening to them and giving them more "authority" in my life. Jesus has full authority and calls me His redeemed child.

-Trusting God is good and provides exactly what I need.

-I'm already safe and secure under His care and sovereignty. I need only rest in it, and take each day at a time. I'm called to live in the present, not to worry about the future.

Beth Moore put it simply in her book So, Long Insecurity: "We're going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us." Let us encourage one another to ward off our doubts and uncertainties, and allow our confidence to be found in 
the truth Christ has spoken to us.

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